Ten Ways a Person Knows He’s Back in Jawja

  1. Lottery tickets for sale in vending machines at the Visitors’ Center along I-20.
  2. “In God We Trust” on license plates.
  3. The estimable, honorable Michelle Nunn and Dollar General “tycoon” David Perdue in — wait for it — a dead heat in their race for the U.S. Senate. Perdue is author of the bogus, pants-on-fire television ad claiming that when Nunn was CEO of Points of Light Foundation, which promotes volunteerism, she “funded organizations linked to terrorists.”
  4. Complete strangers on the highway lifting two fingers in salute as your cars approach and pass each other.
  5. Both the fact of your not being able to purchase on Sunday the six-pack of beer you picked up as you shopped for groceries and the gracious way that the woman at the cash register handles the situation.
  6. Not merely the lack of a dry cleaner on every corner (Manhattan block: diner, dry cleaner, fancy bakery, coffee shop, wine store, grocery, and boutique in which ALL the clothes are some shade of black) but the complete lack of any dry cleaner at all: an entire population consigned to being rumpled all winter long!
  7. Kindly forbearance as the cardinal rule. So much so that when a locally infamous chatterbox calls her pharmacist, ostensibly to ask a question but in fact to pass the time, he has been known to stretch out on the floor of his dispensary, phone to his ear, until she has talked herself out.
  8. Cuts of meat that you aren’t sure really are classifiable as meat.
  9. Realizing that half of all the people whom you’re sure you’ve never seen before know exactly who you are.
  10. “Y’all.”

 

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